Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes (GF)
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Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes is the fifth chapter of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Contents |
Caught
Harry Potter arrives at the kitchen of The Burrow. Fred helps him on his feet, asking whether Dudley ate the Ton-Tongue Toffee that the twins "accidentally" dropped on the floor (GF4). Fred says that he and George invented the sweets and have been looking forward to testing it all summer.
Harry greets the two unfamiliar Weasleys in the kitchen:
- Charlie, whose large hands are full of calluses and blisters—he is shorter and stockier than Percy and Ron, with a broad, friendly and extremely freckled face; he is muscular, and one of his arms has a large burn mark; he works with dragons in Romania;
- Bill, tall, with long hair in a ponytail; he wears an earring with a fang dangling from it; his boots are made of dragon hide; he works for Gringotts, and was once Head Boy at Hogwarts.
Arthur Apparates in from number four, Privet Drive, looking very angry. He questions Fred about what the teenager fed to Dudley; "I didn't give him anything. I just dropped it ... it was his fault he went and ate it, I never told him to."
Mr. Weasley accuses Fred of doing so on purpose; Dudley's tongue was four feet long before the Dursleys let Arthur do anything about it. Everyone but Arthur laughs.
"It isn't funny! That sort of behaviour seriously undermines wizard-Muggle relations! I spend half my life campaigning against the mistreatment of Muggles and my own sons—"
The twins try to explain that they did not act because of Dudley's blood status, but because he is a bully. He threatens to tell Molly, who overhears the conversation and enters the kitchen; her eyes are narrow with suspicion.
Arthur hesitates. Hermione and Ginny appear on the doorway. Harry smiles at them, which makes Ginny blush. Mrs. Weasley once more asks what have Fred and George done, and whether the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes have anything to do with it.
Hermione pointedly suggests to Ron that he show Harry where the boy will sleep. George tries to leave along with the second-years, to no avail: only the Trio and Ginny succeed.
Pranks
Harry asks the others what Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes are; Ron and Ginny laugh, but not Hermione. Ron says that Molly found stacks of order forms in the twins' room, along with price lists for everything that the two have invented—all sorts of prank items.
Mrs. Weasley became furious; the pair hasn't even obtained a reasonable number of OWLs, and it's increasingly less likely that they will get the career Molly's always planned for them: a job at the Ministry of Magic. Instead, the two Weasleys plan to open a joke shop (OP29).
They run into Percy on the second floor, who complains about the noise and comments that he has a report to finish for the Department of International Magical Co-operation, regarding the standardisation of cauldron thickness.
"That'll change the world, that report will. Front page of the Daily Prophet, I expect, cauldron leaks," Ron sneers, ignoring his older brother and goes up to three more stories. They hear screaming coming from the kitchen.
Ron's room
Ron and Ginny's room, located at the top of the house, has not changed much since Harry's last visit (CS3). There is the same Chudley Cannons poster on the wall, a fish tank on the windowsill containing a large frog, and the small and hyperactive gray owl Ron received from Sirius (PA22).
The room currently has two extra beds—Bill and Charlie have occupied the twins' place. Percy gets his own room because he has to work.
Ron says that Ginny has dubbed his owl Pigwidgeon ("She reckons it's sweet. And I tried to change it, but it was too late, he won't answer to anything else. So now he's Pig. I've got to keep him up here because he annoys Errol and Hermes. He annoys me too, come to that."). Hermione mentions that Crookshanks is in the garden; he likes chasing gnomes.
Ron comments that Percy is obsessed about his job, and his boss, Mr. Crouch.
Harry thanks his best friends for the food. They refrain from talking about Sirius because Ginny is present, and eventually decide to go downstairs to help with dinner.
Molly is alone in the kitchen, and seems to be in a bad mood. She announces that there is no room for eleven people in there, and that everyone will dine in the garden. She starts ordering the children to each do a specific chore, and uses her wand to peel potatoes. Clearly very upset, Mrs. Weasley mutters to herself ("I've had more owls from Hogwarts about them than the rest put together. If they carry on the way they're going, they'll end up in front of the Improper Use of Magic Office...") while she places a saucepan on the table and conjures a creamy sauce.
Knives start chopping the potatoes at Molly's command. When she puts her wand down for a moment, she accidentally reaches for a fake wand instead of her own—it squeaks and transforms into a rubber mouse. Mrs. Weasley has a fit; Ron and Harry hurry out of the kitchen.
Dinner
Crookshanks speeds by the two friends, chasing a ten-inch gnome. Bill and Charlie enchant the tables they are supposed to be arranging, and the objects smash into each other repeatedly. The twins cheer, Ginny laughs, and Hermione is torn between amusement and anxiety.
Bill's table succeeds in knocking one of the legs of Charlie's. Suddenly, Percy shows up at his window, asking them to be silent. The brothers comply, and quickly organise everything. By seven o'clock, dinner is served. Harry feasts on good, real food for the first time this summer.
Percy discusses work with his father, mentioning that Crouch needs all the help he can get considering how busy he is with World Cup arrangements, and how little Ludo Bagman, Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports, helps. Arthur comments that he likes Ludo; it was he who obtained tickets for the Weasleys in exchange for a favour: his brother Otto got in trouble due to a lawnmower with unnatural powers, and Arthur covered it up.
"Oh, Bagman's likable enough, of course," says Percy, "but how he ever got to be Head of Department ... when I compare him to Mr. Crouch! I can't see Mr. Crouch losing a member of our department and not trying to find out what's happened to them. You realise Bertha Jorkins has been missing for over a month now? Went on holiday to Albania and never came back?"
Arthur replies that he's asked Bagman about that, but the man dismissively stated that Bertha's got lost several times in the past. Percy agrees; Bertha's been tossed between departments for years. Nevertheless, Ludo should try to find her instead of merely supposing that she read the map wrong and ended up in Australia instead—Crouch has even involved himself personally in the matter, because she once worked in his department (GF35)
Percy secretively mentions the other event that his department is organising—"The top-secret one." Ron rolls his eyes and says that Percy has been unsuccessfully trying to spark his siblings' curiosity ever since he started work.
Meanwhile, Molly is criticising Bill's appearance, especially his "silly" hair and the recently acquired "horrible great fang" earring ("Mum, no one at the bank gives a damn how I dress as long as I bring home plenty of treasure.").
Charlie, Fred and George discuss the World Cup. Charlie is of the opinion that the Irish National Quidditch team will win; they had a massive victory over Peru in the semifinals. When Fred points out the star of the Bulgarian National Quidditch team, Viktor Krum, Charlie says that Ireland has seven decent players, and Bulgaria has only one.
They then comiserate over the poor performance of England ("went down to Transylvania, three hundred and ninety to ten"), Wales (beaten by Uganda) and Scotland ("slaughtered by Luxembourg").
Arthur conjures candles to light the garden before dessert. After everyone finishes eating and resumes lively conversation, Ron and Harry quietly talk about Sirius.
Molly sends the children to bed early. She suggests that Harry leave his school list out; she's buying everyone's supplies in Diagon Alley the following morning.
Trivia
- Percy drinks elderflower wine during dinner.
Quotes
- "There might not be time after the World Cup, the match went on for five days last time."
- "Wow — hope it does this time!" said Harry enthusiastically.
- "Well, I certainly don't," said Percy sanctimoniously. "I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days."
- "Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, Perce?" said Fred.
- "That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway!" said Percy, going very red in the face. "It was nothing personal!"
- "It was," Fred whispered to Harry as they got up from the table. "We sent it."
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