Unknowable Room Family Tree
From UnknowableWiki
1 In the day that J. K. Rowling created Harry Potter characters, male and female created she them, and lo, fandom was born.
2 Thus fandom was complete, and all the hosts of it. And in the second year, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was published; so on that day fans blessed MWPP and made it holy, because on it they could more freely focus their ficwriting and obsession.
3 And in the eighth year, Lust or Love was written; and fans saw all that Sarinileni had made, and behold, it was very good. Alas, fanfiction.net disagreed, and erased it from the surface of the earth. Solarism was outraged and lo, The Great Break was born.
4 When the series had lived for eight years, Unknowable Room was founded.
5 And out of the ground an unknowable Mother made nine women, and gave them dominion over fanart, fanfiction and forums of the website, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon its pages. 6 And she said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: they shall be called Bee, Christy, Dede, Erin, Holly, Jenna, Lynn, Missy and Runi. This is the book of the generations of their family.
Contents |
The first generation
7 And Dede begat a daughter in her own likeness, and after her image; and called her name Melissa; 8 But Melissa became known as Darth Vader for unfathomable reasons; Darth begat many daughters.
9 And Missy lived twenty-six years, and begat two daughters; and called them Lu and Kelly; 10 But Kelly became known as Swirly Blue Mary Sue for lo, her iconic hue was unique; she begat many daughters.
11 And Christy begat many daughters; Gulistanlik, Kali, Pamela and Sara she called them; and they were fruitful.
12 And Christy begat also the house-elves Kerstin, Ash, who brought snark to the realm, and Angel, who loved to bang her head on furniture and spoke only in six words from birth.
13 And Christy and Runi got married, and there was much rejoicing. And they begat their sister Missy, Casey, Amanda and Sharon; and they begat many daughters. 14 And Christy and Runi also married Lu; and they begat Anoka and Archee; and they begat many daughters.
15 And Christy, Kelly and Runi united in procrastination to invent hijacking; and it was good.
Christy's descendents
Casey
16 And Casey begat Michaela and Bri; and the days of Casey were numerous and entertaining; and she disappeared.
17 And Bri married her aunt Pamela, and they begat Alya, Suus and Erin;
18 And Suus begat Crys, who promptly renamed all the rest; and thus Crystianity was born;
19 And Crys begat Amanda;
20 And Crys married her great-aunt Sharon, and they were childless;
21 And Bri also married her aunt Sharon, but their union was childless.
Gulistanlik
22 And Gulistanlik married her niece Crys; and randomness was born from their union, and hijacking was never the same;
23 And Gulistanlik also married Eden and Taj, but these unions were childless.
24 And Gulistanlik also begat her sister Angel and her great-niece Suus.
Angel
25 And Angel begat her niece Crys and her great-niece Suus; and Angel married her sister Sharon.
26 And Angel also married Sirius.
Pamela
27 And Pamela married Crys, and Amanda, and Sharon, and Bri, and Eden;
28 And Pamela begat Suus;
Sharon
29 And Sharon begat Suus and Kerstin;
30 And Sharon married Eden, and Pamela, and Bri, and Crys, and Angel, but all her unions were childless.
Archee
31 And Archee married Darth Vader, and begat Kirsten, Lauren, Caitlin and Kelly;
32 And Kelly refused to accept the conditions of her birth, and fabricated a tale involving Frodo Baggins; 33 And this greatly angered her grandmothers, who urged her to accept her Evil Overlady inheritance; 34 And Kelly's denial days were many, and exasperating;
35 And Lauren begat Mel and her own sister, Kelly; 34 And Kelly begat her sister Kirsten and her great-aunt Lynn;
36 And Kirsten begat Harriet, Lauren and Leah.
37 And Leah begat Anne, Kwen and Trish;
38 And Kwen begat Sophie.
Trish
39 And Trish married Anoka, and begat Anne, Sarah, Suus and Gwen; 40 And Gwen begat Caitlin;
41 And Trish also married her daughter Sarah, and begat Suus and Salome;
42 And Trish also married Kwen, and begat Bri.
43 And Trish also married Suus, and begat Lo.
Sara
44 And Sara married Kaye, before divorcing her later that year, and there was grief and sorrow and everyone got over it;
45 And Sara also married her sister Angel in the Jewish way; and they begat their aunt Lu, who was their priest. And their love was Raly-Whisper canon; and it was brilliant.
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