Letter:Andromeda and Sirius
From UnknowableWiki
Users involved: Merle and thirty2flavors
First Letter
Andromeda –
Married? When did this happen?
Why didn't you tell me?
It's absolute pandemonium in the house of Black, as I'm sure you probably know. Your parents, Bellatrix and Narcissa came over last night, and the lot of them – my parents, yours, and your sisters – shrieked incoherently for a solid three hours. It was like some sort of banshee convention. It quickly degenerated into some kind of family feud: Mum said, 'it really shouldn't be such a shock she's run off like this, Cygnus -- I've always said you're far too soft with your children', then your Dad said, 'if a respectable Slytherin like Andromeda can end up like this, how do you expect your bloody Gryffindor of an eldest is going to turn out, Walburga?' and then Bella got into it. I tried to convince them they're all being arses and that Ted is actually a rather friendly bloke, but it only seemed to incense them. Mum then banished Reg and I upstairs, and I tried to listen to the rest, but between Mum's Silencing Charm and Regulus' stupid questions, I couldn't hear anything.
This morning, after your parents had left, there was an extra hole in the family tapestry. Mum and Dad gave us a long, ridiculous lecture about blood purity and the importance of living up to the Black name and how such a disgrace would not be tolerated from either of us and if we ever run off and marry a bloody Mudblood (their word, not mine!) we'd better not have the nerve to ever show our face again, because if we did, they'd make sure we didn't live to disgrace them again. Regulus looked terrified – like there was ever any danger of him thinking for himself, anyway. The whole time they said it Mum was glaring at me, as if at any moment I was about to run into the streets and elope with a Muggle. I should've, really, just to show her.
Their last act was to inform us that we are forbidden from ever contacting you again. You're a 'horrible influence' and they absolute will not have such a 'thoughtless, reckless, shameful bloodtraitor tainting the heirs to the Black line'.
As if I'm going to listen. You're the only one with half a brain in the whole sodding family. Which I told Mum. She got all bent out of shape and sent me up here again, as if she thinks being removed from her company is some sort of punishment.
So – rebel that I am – I'm writing you. When did Ted propose? When was the wedding? How was it? Did you have any guests? Have you met his parents? What're they like? Do you already know where you're living?
Honestly, Anne, it's customary to tell people when you're about to do something like this. You could have at least warned me you'd not be around this Christmas so I could have contracted an illness and some viable excuse to not socialize with anyone.
All in all, though, congratulations, Anne. I'll miss you. Take care, eh?
-Sirius
The Second Letter
Dear Sirius,
Merlin, it's been a while isn't it? I had a nagging feeling you would be the first –and only, most probably -- to owl me after you'd find out.
Married. I am married. Quite a shock, eh? Even I am going through some trouble sunking it in. Not that I am having second thoughts, though, not at all. I'm really happy about it.
Honestly, though, I can't believe you of all the family thought I would write to inform them about my marriage, with a Muggleborn no less! I have to say, though, apart from the fact that you had to bear with it all, it feels a bit good to know that such chaos sprung because of this. who would have said they would still worry so much about me after dating Ted for these past few months? I thought I didn't belong to the family any longer. Well, I s'pose the marriage settled it. Like I said before, I'm sorry you had to bear with all of this; I wish you hadn't. I'm sorry about the Gryffindor comment, too – you have nothing to do with this, and they shouldn't had dragged you into the conversation.
How did you find out, anyway? About the marriage, that is. I thought you wouldn't find out so quickly.
What did Bella and Narcissa say? I know your mother would go berserk, and Father too, and I can't for the life of me imagine what Regulus could've said, but I'm positive Bella had something to say. She always has. Narcissa, though, I'm not sure. Were they very angry?
About the proposal, it wasn't fancy or anything, but I can't imagine it happening any other way. We were in the kitchen – I was cooking dinner, and Ted was setting up the table, and the question just came out of his lips. He didn't even have a ring or anything, but it's not like we need one. I have already met his father, yes. His mother died from an illness when he was your age, so I never met her. His father is very nice, though, in contrast with our family, and he looked really excited with the whole wedding announcement. We had a small ceremony (Ted isn't much of the catholic type, anyway) and just a few people came by. We didn't want to make such a huge deal over it.
Sirius, though I can't believe I am about to write this, if they have told you not to write to me again, then I don't think you should. It's not very difficult to realise that you are writing to me. Besides, with all of your father's control over your house, I'm certain that they'll realise your letters are adressed to me sooner or later (sooner, most probably), and I don't want anything to happen to you because of me.
I miss you too. Take care of yourself, Sirius, will you?
- Andromeda PS: Ted says hi.
The Third Letter
You're quite a contradictory girl, Anne. You shouldn't ask so many questions if you don't want me to answer them.
I couldn't care less if they figure out I'm writing you. It's not as though you're the only "horrible influence" I write regularly, and we all know how effective their attempts to keep me from James, Remus and Peter have been. Besides that, what more are they going to do to me, anyway? They haven't even come up with an original insult in about two years, it's always just "bloodtraitor" this or "disgrace" that.
You could have told me you were getting married. I can keep secrets, you know.
Your family told us about the marriage when they came over. Apparently some acquaintance of your mum's saw her in Diagon Alley and said 'Oh! Druella! Congratulations on Andromeda!' and it all went downhill from there.
Bella was furious. I don't know if I've ever seen her so angry – it was like when I was Sorted into Gryffindor times two. She kept shrieking on about how you were such a disgrace and not a true Black and how she was disgusted that you two are so closely related. Her lip was curled, she kept flailing her arms angrily and her voice was all high-pitched and breaking. It was terrifying. It's a good thing you weren't there, I think she might've strangled you. Hell hath no fury and all that.
Cissy didn't say much of anything, really. She went all quiet and sort of stayed in a corner. Her eyes were all red.
The wedding sounds like it was nice. It's good you've found a nice family to replace our crazy one.
Good luck with everything.
Sincerely, Your beloved cousin Sirius, now the lone representative of sanity in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
The Fourth Letter
Sirius –
I couldn't help myself. There are still so many questions I am dying to ask you, but I don't think I should, not if I want to forget all about the Black Family. It'll just make it harder.
Not everything is about insults, cousin. There are other things too – worse things they can do to you. If they are as angry as you are telling me, then you better keep an eye opened. Just in case.
In Diagon Alley, you say? I can't imagine anyone running into your mum in Diagon Alley, except of course for Clytemenestra, which now that I think of it, I'm sure it was her. She found out about our wedding accidentally, in fact. She wasn't supposed to know. Merlin knows I'd never tell her, that snivelling, twisted old hag. She overheard us talking about some wedding arrangements and of course jumped in excitement when I recognised her figure. She was practically beaming, it was disgusting. You know how she gets when she knows something no one else is supposed to know.
I know I should have told you Sirius, I was going to, but then I got worried and thought that the owl might be intercepted and then your mum and dad would find out about everything. They weren't supposed to know, not like this, not so early. I don't think I wanted them to know, that's all. I'm sorry. I should had trusted you, and sent an owl. I would have loved it if you attended to the wedding.
To be truthful, I was quite scared of what Bella would say, or do. She has quite the temper, and I was a bit frightened to be on her enemy list. I expected no less from her for how she reacted; they really got her with all that blood purity gibberish, didn't they?
What's going on with your life, though, Sirius? You're what, in fourth, fifth year? D'you have you O.W.L.s this year? If you do, then I wish you luck, my dear cousin. They're quite difficult to deal with.
Love,
- Andromeda.
The Fifth Letter
Anne,
I'm not scared of them. Merlin knows they've made that their mission, but I'm a Gryffindor for more reasons than merely being a disgrace, you know. They can try to dictate my life all they like, but I'm not allowing them to control who I do and do not talk to. You are my cousin, whether or not the family tree says so, and I'm not going to stop talking to you because you dared get happily married any more than I am going to stop talking to my friends because they have the audacity to be good people. They're always frothing about how I need to be closer to family, anyway -- it's not my fault if you just so happen to be the only family member I don't detest.
(Well. You and Alphard, maybe, but he's hardly around, anyway. Does he know you got married? I'm sure he'd be excited.)
Clytemenestra is a bint. And she looks like a walrus. Do you suppose she's related to Slughorn? (Who, speaking of, is absolutely terrifying and the epitome of student-teacher relations gone wrong. There's this Muggleborn in my year named Lily -- she's kind of a bint too, actually, but that's not the point -- and I swear he is absolutely infatuated with her. It's good thing she's not a Slytherin and he can't get into her dormitory, honestly. It's terrifying. His 'Slug Club', really -- he keeps inviting me as though one day I'm going to forget he's a psychopathic pedophile and turn up. I think Reg goes to them, actually. What an idiot. Slughorn alone is enough to make me endlessly grateful I'm in Gryffindor. How did you stand him? McGonagall's strict, yeah, but at least I can sleep soundly at night. ...but I digress.)
Well, you're right, if Mum and Dad had found out, no doubt the whole Black cavalry would've arrived on cue to stop the wedding or something, but you could've written when I was at school. Control-freaks that they may be, they haven't yet figured out a way to read my mail while I'm at Hogwarts.
Bellatrix is insane, absolutely mind-blowing-ly insane; I suppose that's why the family adores her so much. If I didn't loathe Rodolphus with the intensity of a thousand suns I'd feel bad for him. Can you imagine being married to her? It would be torture. It'd be like ... well, it'd be like being married to my Mum.
I'm a fourth year, yeah, so OWLs aren't until next year. I think some people are already freaking out, though. I don't see how they can possibly be that bad -- I don't do nearly the work that some kids do and I still do better than they do, most of the time. ...It's actually sort of sad. I have this friend -- Peter Pettigrew -- and he tries harder than the rest of us, but he's... well, he's not the brightest Lumos ever cast.
I'm good, more or less. Christmas hols are over in two days, which is nice for about a thousand reasons, not the least of which is the fact that Hogwarts entirely trumps Number 12 in terms of being better in every way possible. That's... that's actually really lame, isn't it, being excited for school? Well, whatever. I'm sure if the average teenager spent holidays in this house, they'd rather be at school, too.
Speaking of, though, I need to pack. I refuse to let Kreacher do it, there's no way I'm letting him go through all my stuff. I'll talk to you later. Happy (late) Christmas and New Years!
-Sirius
The Sixth Letter
Sirius —
My hand is shaking uncontrollably, so you'll probably have a hard time deciphering this, but...
You have a new second cousin.
Her name is Nymphadora Tonks (Ted and I have agreed to just cut it there; Nymphadora Tonks Black doesn't feel right, and I doubt the Black Family would be glad to know that the daughter of a muggleborn has Black as a surname). She was born on May 2nd at five a.m. She is pretty small in comparison to the other new born babies we met at St Mungo's, but the Healers told us not to worry about i and that she's completely healthy.
She's the most beautiful thing in the whole world. I would love to describe her for you but I'm afraid that may be quite difficult. What I know for sure is that she has the most beautiful skin colour I've ever seen and that her eyes are of a dark brown colour with a lighert hue near the pupil (I have spent a long time staring at those eyes and I've memorised them already, which is a difficult task – she spends most of her time sleeping! And she snores, too! Well, not really, but she does make odd noises when she sleeps). Her hair, on the other hand, is more difficult to describe: some of it is green, black, blue and violet, and if you look hard enough, there's a small patch besides her ear which is yellow. You have no idea what chaos this provoked. When Ted firstsaw her hair, he demanded the Healers to tell him who on earth thought it had been funny to charm his newborn daughter's hair; he was so out of himself. I know all of this because he told me what happened later (I slept the whole time; I was drained. I can'tt believe I missed it!). The thing is, though, when the Healers managed to calm Ted down and make sure that his wand was nowhere in place where he could reach out for it, they told him that they suspected that Nymph was a Metamorphmagus.
I am positively sure you of all people know what a Metamorphmagus is, but just for the sake of it, I'm going to post the dictionary's definition here (just because I'm a first time mom and because my newborn daughter is a Metamorphmagus! Hey, not everyone has the power to say that):
"Metamorphmagi are wizards or witches born with the ability to change their appearances at will".
So now Nymph has a combination of white and pink hair! She has already changed it a few times. I'm quite sure her nose is a little different, too, but I can't prove that. Ted and I have been talking about sending her somewhere where she can learn to control her powers when she grows up, but we still have plenty of time to think about it.
She's sleeping in my room, now, and so is her father. You would've never thought two people (well, one person and a half) can do so much noise. It's incredible.
You should come see her, Sirius. I'm sure you'll love her, and she'll love you too. You're a perfect match. I can't wait until you're back. Ted's father has already came, and he's delighted. I wish Alphard could come, too, but I doubt he can.
I must leave you know; I can hear Nymph's wails from here. I hope she doesn't wake up Ted!
Love from,
-- Andromeda, your most beloved cousin who is now a mother!
The Seventh Letter
ANDROMEDA!
GOOD GOD, WOMAN! THAT'S BRILLIANT! CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy for you! That's wonderful! A daughter, that's wonderful! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU I WILL USE AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF EXCLAMATION MARKS! !!!!!!
!
It's just occured to me that they should make happy Howlers. I don't think the word "Howler" would really work in that case, but really, what better way to make a birth announcement? Or reply to a birth announcement? I could be sending you one right now! Without having to use all these exclamation marks! ANYWAY if happy Howlers existed I would DEFINITELY be sending you one RIGHT NOW because I am just THAT excited. I didn't even know you were pregnant! Did I miss that memo?
It doesn't matter! I am ecstatic! Oh, Anne, that's great. You're going to be an absolutely brilliant mother. Hell, you did a pretty decent job keeping the four of us in line, and I'm pretty sure there's no way little Nymphadora could possibly rival the absolute havoc that was wreaked when Bella, Cissy, Reg and I were together. Really, though, you're going to be wonderful -- you're kind and caring and maternal and a billion other things you were raised not to be, so where could you go wrong? Nymphadora's going to be the kid at Hogwarts with the super cool Mum that everyone else is jealous of, but of course she won't see how super cool you are, she'll just be like, "guys, you're crazy," but everyone ELSE will see it and when she gets old enough she'll realize it on her own anyway.
(I speak from experience. James Potter's mum is probably one of the greatest women I've ever met, absolutely nothing like my mother in any way conceivable which is of course what makes her so great, and he just goes "psh, what, you don' t know what you're talking about" but really we all know he's a huge mama's boy. The secret is out. Once in first year she owled him extra pants, it was brilliant.)
I seem gotten off the topic of your WONDERFUL BABY so I will now steer this letter back on to course. A Metamorphmagus, eh? That's... actually that's awesome, too, I can think of absolutely no reason why being able to change your appearance would ever be unfortunate. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES? If any of the four of us -- that is James, Peter, Remus and me -- were Metamorphmaguses (metamorphmagi? who cares!) this castle would not KNOW what hit it.
I absolutely MUST meet her. This is a statement, it is not a question. School's out in three weeks? Ish. We've still got our OWLs, anyway. I'm actually surrounded by studying as we speak; Remus has just looked up and gone, "Surely studying Charms is not what's got you looking like Christmas has come early and Father Christmas got you something dangerous and illegal?"
To which I swiftly replied, "No sir, my good man, it is far greater than any dangerous or illegal item -- ANDROMEDA HAD A BABY!"
They were not, I think, as ecstatic as I was, but they are all heartless arses anyway-- oh, no, Remus is making me add that they are, in fact, quite happy for you, don't be fooled (which makes him a heartless and MANIPULATIVE arse, I say.)
I've blithered on for quite some time now and I'm sure you're very busy with baby so I'll end it here. As incoherent as this letter may be I really am happy for you, Anne. You and Ted are going to be fantastic parents and Nymphadora is lucky to have you.
Exuberantly, Sirius
The Eighth Letter
Dear Andromeda,
It's been a while, I know. The past few months have been hectic for me and I'm sure with Nymphadora they've not been any easier for you.
Anyway. I'm writing mostly to tell you that I've run away. About a week ago, to be precise. I'm at the Potters' house now; in the five days I've been here James' parents have already made me feel more welcome than my own ever did back home. That would, however, be much more impressive if mine had ever tried.
If I know you at all, you're probably gaping at this letter with your mouth half open looking absolutely appalled and wondering if I've lost a limb in the process . Don't. I'm fine. The Potters are great, and James' mum is a retired Healer.
Essentially it was the climax of a long-building conflict. Things at home had been getting worse, if possible, for -- well to be perfectly honest for sixteen years, but particularly in the last little while. In the spirit of honesty, I think what really got them was your marriage. As your dad had said, if a respectable Slytherin like you could end up falling in love with a Muggleborn, I am doomed to a life of bloodtreachery and dishonour. Couple that with everything going on in the war and quite quickly Mum and Dad were breathing down both of our necks, attempting at every turn to control what Regulus and I do, say, think, who we interact with, what we believe...
Reg, of course, did exactly what they wanted, and I, of course, did precisely the opposite. God, Anne, you should see who he's friends with at school. Not one of them's got a shred of intelligence or common decency, but who cares? They can trace their inbred line back to the middle ages, which is, as we all know, the most important thing. If you thought the Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry was bad when you were in school, you should see it now.
To the point, about a week ago I was in a fight with Mum and Dad again, which in and of itself is not a particularly unusual occurence, but it escalated. Quite quickly. When I think of it, it wasn't as though we covered any new material, just same old, same old -- that I am a disgusting failure and a bloodtraitor and I'm disgracing the Black name by consorting with half-bloods and bloodtraitors and Mudbloods in Gryffindor of all houses, that they desperately wish I had at least been born after Regulus, because clearly he is the rightful heir and I don't deserve a knut of the family fortune, that if they had known I would turn out like I did they'd have drowned me when they had the chance.
I wasted no time in informing them that if sharing their twisted fucking virtues and family values was what it would take to earn their respect I could do without it, that real families didn't turn on each other over petty things like marriages and Sortings, that if to keep my place on that bloody tapestry I'd have to become a narrowminded, medieval, ignorant, prejudiced twat with neither a brain nor a backbone I'd just as soon burn my own name right off, and that if they want another son they can mold like Regulus they should just buy a fucking ball of MagiClay from Diagon Alley.
My parents... well, you know how they take to criticism, so I'm sure you can imagine how the next hour went. When I finally managed to escape back to my room, it was only another hour before I realized there was absolutely no way under any conditions that I was putting up with their shit any longer, and I started packing once they'd gone to bed. When I made it downstairs it was something like quarter to two, so conveniently even Kreacher was off worshipping my mother's portrait or something.
Regulus woke up, though. I have no idea how -- I was completely silent, I'm sure of it, I'm good at sneaking around -- but he sort of just... appeared right as I was about to leave. I thought he was going to wake them up and further complicate matters, but he didn't. He just went, "if you leave, they'll never let you come back" and I said "that's the idea, you idiot, now get out of my way, this trunk is heavy."
And this is where I nearly died of heart failure: he goes silent, then he sort of half-whispers half-mumbles something that sounds, oddly enough, like "please don't go". In the spirit of fraternity I said, "look, Reg, this is between me and them, not me and you". "Yes it is," he says, "it's between all of us, we're supposed to be a family. You can't leave them without leaving me." I sort of ignored him and continued towards the door, but he goes, "if you leave we can't be family anymore, Sirius, you know that," and as at this point I am thoroughly exhausted and sore and bloody sick of all of them, I snapped, "That's hardly any incentive for me to stay, Reg." He glared at me for a minute and then stalked upstairs. I was certain he was gone to get Mum and Dad, but he just disappeared into his room, and I left.
I'll spare you the details of how I got to the Potters'. Suffice it to say that I am bloody lucky to have James as a best mate.
Anne, I know you're probably busy out of your mind between this and that and having a baby who has no set appearance. I didn't send this to worry you. I just sent it because.... well, because wonderful though the Potters may be, they can't understand this situation the way you can. We black sheep (ha, ha, will that ever get old? Oh wait, it already has) need to stick together.
That, and perhaps now I'll actually have a chance to meet Nymphadora before school starts again.
--Sirius
The Ninth Letter
Sirius—
You ran away? But how? It's.. I don't.. are you okay? Are you absolutely sure? And what on earth does 'James' mum is a retired Healer' supposed to mean? Is it supposed to calm me down? You can't possibly be okay after running away! Are you sure you're alright? Don't you want to come here and stay with us? I'm sure we can make a little bit of space – we'll just let Nymph sleep in our room and can leave hers to you; it might not be very comfortable but it's a room nonetheless. I can't believe this! Running away! And you haven't even finished school yet! What are you going to do? Do you have money? I can lend you some; Ted and I have saved up some and I'd love to lend you some; you will need it. Are you sure you have everything you need?
Oh, Sirius.
I am so sorry. It is all my fault. No matter what you say, Sirius, I know you're not okay. No one can possibly be okay after running away from their family. I'm so sorry; you have no idea how sorry I am. I don't know how to make it up to you. This wouldn't had happened if it weren't for me, not like this, not so early.
I have to see you. When and where can you meet me? I don't think the Potter's household would be the best of choices, so, why don't you come here and we can talk things properly? I can't believe this. Running away. I mean, something was bound to happen between you and our family (or should I say 'your'? It takes a while to forget about what once happened to be your family); everyone could tell that you were different, even more than me. You stick out, Sirius, and that's something that shows who you are, it's a part of you. They can't understand it, their narrowmindedness doesn't let them understand it.
Please, please, please, reply to me as sooner as possible. I'm worried sick about you, cousin.
Anxiously,
--Andromeda
The Tenth Letter
Anne,
I'd not have thought it possible, but your letter was perhaps even more panic-stricken and anxiety-ridden than the one I've received from Remus Lupin. Wow.
Andromeda, listen to me: I am fine. FINE. I wouldn't have written you if I'd realized it was going to send you into a panic. The Healer thing, just-- nevermind. Don't worry about it, okay? Forget I said it.
I really appreciate you offering me a place to stay, Andromeda, but the Potters -- well, they're insisting it's no problem if I stay here, they've already got three extra bedrooms (this place is huge, it's ridiculous), and since James is here, they've already got to go to King's Cross come September and all that anyway. I'm not going to usurp Nymphadora from her room and I find it unlikely Ted would be incredibly enthused about your irritating sixteen-year-old cousin coming to stay, anyway. Thank you for the offer, it's wonderful, but I don't think I can take you up on it. You have a baby! I can't mooch off someone with a baby unless that baby happens to be 16 years old with a ridiculous mop of black hair.
As far as finance goes, I'll ... figure something out. It'll be fine.
I don't know what in the world has possessed you to think this is somehow your fault -- are you mad? Is this because I said Mum and Dad have been uptight since you got married? For God's sake, Anne, they were insane before then, you know that, and it's never helped matters that I'm a Gryffindor. It's got nothing to do with you, don't go around thinking that because you married Ted you somehow ruined my relationship with the family, that's ridiculous, it was a joint effort between me and them but nothing else.
Don't feel so sorry for me; I don't regret it. I certainly won't miss them. If I want someone to give me an alphabetized list of my flaws I can always call on Severus Snape. Remus, James, Peter -- they're my family now. It's for the best. Really. You don't regret marrying Ted, do you?
If you insist on seeing HOW FINE I AM, I can Floo to your house ... well, whenever, really; is Saturday (the 22nd) good?
Love, Sirius,
who is PERFECTLY FINE. I will draw a happy face to illustrate how COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY NORMAL I AM: :)
The Eleventh Letter: Unsent
Oh, God, Anne, I've fucked up. I've really fucked up. I did something horrible two months ago -- I can't tell you, I'm not supposed to, it'd make it worse, and besides, I don't want you angry with me, too, but it was horrible and I'm paying for it and I'm writing you now because I need to talk to someone, anyone, but no one will talk to me. My friends are furious with me, I'm not even sure they're my friends anymore; they haven't spoken to me since it happened, unless you count yelling, and I don't really think they'll ever forgive me. I can't hold it against them (I wouldn't forgive me, either) but it's just, it's lonely, and even though I've apologized a thousand times it's not enough and there's nothing more I can do. I wish I had a bloody time-turner but I don't, there's no way I can fix it.
Remus won't talk to any of us, though it's no one's fault but my own, and I think Peter would forgive me if he weren't so scared of angering James, and James, he... he hates me, Anne, and I don't know what to do. He scowls whenever he sees me and he only speaks to me if it's to throw an insult and I don't know how I'm going to do it for another year and a half; it's like home only worse, because I can't leave this time and even if I did there's nowhere to go and no one to replace the people I've lost. First it was Mum and Dad and Regulus and now it's James and Remus and Peter and with all of them it's my fault, I've turned all the people who were supposed to care for me against me.
I've never regretted running away before because I had somewhere to go but I do now because someone is better than no one even if they're prejudiced and narrowminded. I don't even know where I'm going to go this summer; the Potters won't want me and the Blacks won't take me back. I've even tried to talk to Regulus, that's how desperate I've been, but he told me on no uncertain terms that we aren't family anymore and the thing is that it's my fault, Andromeda, he tried to tell me to stay and I brushed him off and now that I've ruined everything else even my brother hates me and I've got no one. God, I sound bloody queer, telling you all of this, I've always had someone, usually James, to side with me, but now he hates me as much as the rest of them. The worst bit is that it's all my fault, I can't even be resentful because I deserve it, all of it, and they're right about everything they say. I'm sorry I'm wasting your time with this and I'm sorry my writing's so bloody illegible, my hand won't stop shaking, and I know the ink's a little smudged in places, but it's the middle of the night and everyone's asleep and I needed to write someone and ours is the only relationship I haven't yet driven into the ground (but I probably will soon, that's the growing trend, so I apologize in advance).
OH FUCK IT. I SOUND LIKE A GIRL.
The Twelfth Letter
Sirius,
I've heard you've got a new place to stay just for you. Congratulations. You must be glad to finally have a place for your own, however small and dingy it may be (I'm not implying your new apartment is 'small and dingy' because I obviously haven't seen it yet, but.. ah well, you know what I mean). Have you been working lately? I don't want to sound as if I'm intruding in your private life but I want to make sure everything's okay. You aren't having trouble with money, are you? You know you can ask me for help whenever you need to, don't you, cousin?
Mainly, I wanted to write to let you know about some other thing I've heard. For some reason I do not know, Cissy wrote me a short letter telling me about what had been going on lately with the Black's family. She, of course, included you in it, saying that you had ran away and that that waws probably the best choice for all of them, because honestly, who would want a Gryffindor named Black? It just didn't happen. She also told me Uncle Alphard had been disowned and removed from the tree but she didn't say why.
Sirius, do you remember how worried you were about Regulus and the people he befriended? Well, I think he's in trouble. Cissy didn't write anything directly but something about it just felt wrong, you know? I think you should talk to him, before.. before it's too late. You know how gullible he can be, especially after your run off; your mother must be pressuring him so much, I can't even imagine. Just talk to him, alright? Maybe I'm overreacting, but what could possibly go wrong if you talk to him? It's better if it's you and not me. I never really had a relationship with your brother.
Love from,
-- Andromeda.
The Thirteenth Letter
Andromeda,
I have! It's nice, yeah -- the Potters were great, but you can only intrude on one family for so long. They were probably begining to wonder if I was ever going to leave their house. As far as work is concerned, nothing, really, at the moment -- I'm still in Hogwarts, you know. Little less than three months left, as a matter of fact. NEWTs are just around the corner and while I'm not hyperventilating nearly as often as some (that is to say, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Lily Evans) even I can admit that there is some twinge of anxiety whenever I think about them. James and I've got to ace all ours if we want into the Auror training program.
As for Narcissa, I'm perplexed as to why she'd write you. I doubt Luscious Lucius would be particularly pleased with her consorting with Muggle lovers. Are you two in contact, then? I'd have thought you weren't. Certainly no one in the family -- "officially" in the family -- has made any attempts to contact me since I've run away, but then they always liked you more than they liked me.
It's interesting you mention dear old Uncle Alphard, though. If I'd realized you didn't know I'd have written you earlier, but I thought for sure you would and I certainly didn't know how to say it tactfully, not to mention the past while has been rife with distractions. I guess I'll just say it: in all likelihood Alphard was disowned because he left all his gold to me (go figure, eh?). I'm sure the family nearly exploded with rage when they found out, too. That's how I was able to get the new flat in the first place.
I don't see what you expect me to do about Regulus. Perhaps you're living in some alternate reality where we're close? He won't have anything to do with me anymore. There was a time last year when, due to several rather stupid decisions on my part, I ended up angering my friends enough that the three of them didn't speak to me for two bloody months (believe me, I deserved it) and I tried to talk to him then (admittedly, after two months, you get sort of desperate). It wasn't really the best time of my life -- and by that I mean I wanted to kill myself -- and I found him (because, like I said, I was getting sort of desperate; I wrote you a letter, actually, but I read it over and realized I sounded like a thirteen-year-old girl so I never sent it) and I think he was overjoyed for the opportunity to brush me off. Gave me some speech about how I'd "made my choice" and how you can't "turn your back your family and then come crawling back because you fucked up with everyone else, too" and "if you're alone now it's your own bloody fault", etc etc. Point being, he's not very fond of me, and I can't say I'm particularly fond of him, either.
However, because I am charming and wonderful, I did try. The key word here is try -- as I've said, the kid wants nothing to do with me. When I finally managed to find him without his idiot lankies, I still practically had to corner him before he would look at me. I said, "Listen, Reg, you know you can talk to me if you need to, eh?" which I think was both quite cheesy and quite friendly, given that the opposite is obviously not true, but he just went, "oh, please. Don't give me that." When asked to clarify what it was I was not supposed to be giving him, he said, "don't pretend to be the slightest bit concerned about me! Don't act like we're family!" I said, "as much as you may want to forget about it, Regulus, you're my little brother, and seeing as I know how entirely spineless you are, I thought I'd remind you that you do have a choice and that you might want to start thinking for yourself soon." He just sent me this withering stare and said, "think for myself or think like you? You've always acted like you're so much better than Mum and Dad -- like you're kind and fair and open-minded -- but that's a lie and we both know it. You bitch and moan about how they turned on you when you became a Gryffindor -- did you ever stop to notice how much colder you were to me when I was sorted into Slytherin? You tell me not to let them pressure me when all you've ever done is pressure me to be like you and reject me when I don't. You're a fucking hypocrite and don't you dare argue otherwise. There's absolutely no reason I would ever go to you for anything, you've made it perfectly clear you have no interest in my wellbeing unless somehow it's going to benefit you."
By now I was entirely angry with the stupid brat, so I said, " for fuck's sake, Regulus, I'm trying to be nice, you know, to be a good brother, but you--" and he cuts me off and laughs and goes "you've been a horrible brother, Sirius, horrible, and I hate you for it," then he shoved me out of the way and stormed off.
So that's that, I suppose. Don't think we'll be having any heart-to-hearts any time soon.
Sincerely, Sirius (who is hopefully a better cousin than a brother, evidently)
The Forteenth Letter
Sirius,
Yes, to be honest, I was just as surprised as you sounded when I saw Cleopatra pecking impatiently on the glass of my bedroom window. She almost broke it! Stupid owl. Never liked it. And no, I haven't been in contact with Narcissa either. With none of them, actually, except you. Other than that, I haven't heard from any of them in a long while, except, obviously, if you don't count this last letter she has sent me.
Uncle Alphard gave you money? I can't hide that came as a shock. I mean, he was – I'm not sure the word 'nice' here would fit in, but he acted pretty much civilly, in contrast with the rest of the family, when he was around us. Leaving you gold... who would've said it? I never pictured him being that way. Do you think he did it to anger the family? He was always sort of, um, experimental that way. I'm glad you've got money, though; it is always nice to have something saved up, just in case. And, besides, I got the impression that you looked as if you needed i, if I say so myselft.
Well, in one of your letters you mentioned how Regulus wanted you to stay before you ran away, and I was so worried about him I must've thought you still kept in touch, although, if you think about it, it's utterly ridiculous. He's a Black, after all. He won't forgive that easily. I suppose I was just hoping you could talk to him, put some sense into him. You know how he never liked me, and, well, according to what you wrote me, he isn't very much fond of you right now either. You did try, though, and I congratulate you for doing so. The thing is, I'm worried about him, you know? He's left alone with Cissy and Bella, Mum, Dad, and your parents, filling his head with prejudices and idiocy. It's obvious they're up to something,
On another unrelated note on,e would say that, once you've finally settled in your own apartment and have free time, you would come visit me over the summer, don't you think? I mean, Ted's been at the Ministry so much working hard these past few days and Nymph's wails are about to drive my sanity away. Some company would come in handy, eh?
I must get going because I was about to try this new recipe but got caught writing the letter, and it's already late. Ted'll be here anytime, and he gets furious when he's starving and there isn't anything to eat. Ick!
I wish you and your friends (whom I hope are on talking terms once again) the best of luck with your NEWT exams.
Sincerely,
Andromeda.
The Fifteenth Letter
Andromeda, oh darling cousin mine,
How've you been? I know I never replied to your last owl, but to be honest, school sort of exploded with tasks (and I'm not even James -- poor sap was Head Boy and Captain of the Quidditch team, I thought his head was going to cave in). I took my last NEWT this morning -- Charms, dead easy, my best subject, the examiner winked at me after my practical, it was rather creepy actually, I suppose that is the price I pay for being so dashingly handsome -- and since tonight will no doubt be filled with joyful regails (and probably alcohol) in the Common Room, I thought I'd snatch a few minutes to write you before, you know, I am entirely inebriated. Especially since Peter and Remus have gone to return their library books and James is off somewhere with Lily, probably doing something far too inappropriate for me to pen down anyway.
Anyway, with NEWTs over, there's only five days left until we catch the Hogwarts Express back home. It's weird, still, to think that we're not coming back to this castle again. I think it only started to sink in after I finished Charms that we're not coming back this time. After seven years I can scarcely even remember what it was like not to be at Hogwarts, and given my wonderful childhood it's not really as though I want to remember. I can't help thinking about all the people I'll probably never see again. I mean, I am ecstatic at the prospect of never having to witness Snape's lard-infested hair ever again, but then there are other people who... well, who I'm going to miss, to be honest.
Did you find it hard to leave, Anne? Were there lots of people you thought you'd keep in contact with that you haven't seen since? It sounds stupid, I guess, but Hogwarts has been more of a home to me than Grimmauld Place ever was, than James' place could have been, and more than my tiny little flat is.
It's just... sort of... odd ... to think that after seven years I'm not going to be sharing a dorm with Remus, James and Peter anymore. To be honest that's what worries me the most -- that the four of us'll drift apart -- because they're... well, they're really all I've got. What happens when we're all too busy to see each other, how are we supposed to keep in touch? What about if we end up scattered across the country? I suppose I'm just worried because of what happened last year. It's just that they've all got their families, and James has Lily, too, but I've really only got them.
Actually, speaking of people I'm never going to see again: I don't know what to do about Regulus. 99% of me will be glad to be rid of him, but that extra 1% can't help but think I should at least, I don't know, do.... SOMETHING before we get off the train and lose contact forever. I haven't spoken to him since I wrote you last, and even though as we know I'm a horrible brother and everything, I'd sort of rather not have that be the last thing he ever says to me. Any ideas? Did you say bye to Bella and Cissy (or at least Cissy; I expect Bella would've clubbed you if you'd told her what you were doing) before you ran off with Ted or did you just... run off?
...Do you miss them at all?
Oi, I don't know how this letter turned so... lame. I'm going to blame it on the fact that my brain is fried from weeks of testing.
--Sirius
The Sixteenth Letter
Dear Sirius,
For the love of Merlin, times flies. You've already finished with your NEWTs? I can't even believe it. It was merely yesterday when I finished them! (That, or I have a very, very serious problem with time. I think the latter's the true one, though. I didn't finish my exams yesterday... but you know what I mean.) Who was your examinator? Mine was some gentleman called Todd Wreckber, I think, or something like it. I can't remember. He was so old! I remember I was far more preocuppied about him not being able to continue standing up than for finishing my own exams – if it hadn't been for that table he was using as a support, I could've sworn he would've fallen.
Anyway, I'm glad to know you did well in your Charms exam. What about the others? Transfiguration was the toughest for me, I believe, but it wasn't that bad. And what about Potions? I'm assuming you've taken these classes for the last two years, but perhaps you chose another path. I'm not sure which classes you took for NEWT level.
Do you have any idea what you're looking for in a job? Anything in mind? There are so many possibilities. What was Slughorn's opinion? I mean, you did have some sort of appointment with him to discuss about your future, right? I wonder if they're still doing that. Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean Slughorn! I completel forgot! I meant McGonagall. Yes, McGonagall. She's still Head of Gryffindor, isn't she?
Wow, I hadn't thought of Hogwarts in a long, long time. I feel ancient.
Sirius, you are going to meet people you went with at Hogwarts at one point in your life. Believe me, you will. This Snape kid you talk so much about? You will see him again, as much as you don't want to. It's... it's matter of time, really. The first thing I learned after I left Hogwarts was how small the Wizarding community was, as opposed to my belief that it was a huge one. Wizards are in contact all the time. And about your friends – Remus, Peter and James – if you don't want to lose contact, then you won't. It depends on you and how you decide to handle it.
In answer to your question, it wasn't very hard for me, no. I don't know why. I think it was because I was so anxious to enter the world and be independent for the first time, you know? Outside Hogwarts you see the world as it is; everything is so much clearer. Besides, I already knew what I wanted to study so that was one more thing to scratch on my To Do List.
As for Regulus... I don't think I'm the person you should ask for advice, Sirius. No, I didn't talk to Cissy before I left, as much as I wanted to. Something told me it was a bad idea, but if you need to talk to Regulus (and it looks like you're dying it to, admit it or not) do it. I don't know what kind of relationship you to had before you ran away – he was too busy sucking up to Bella (pardon my french). But if you feel the need to, Sirius, then go ahead. Try one last time. If he refuses to speak with you, well, then that's his problem. He'll have to decided sooner or later, you know, and I think that you talking to him will propbably set things into perspective. There's nothing you can loose by trying, don't you think?
Of course I miss them, but there's nothing I can do about it. Not now. It's done. I made my choice, and I live with it. I'm happy with it.
Hope to get your letter soon,
--Anne.
